I’m Not Ready…

I’m not ready, to end this freaky affair, I’m not ready, to go nowhere… – Keith Sweat, “I’m Not Ready.”

How does something end without even beginning?

How do you tell “our story”? How will you say how you met me and where we met? How we only made love three times? Three times.

The first time, the first time alone…

How can you talk about that? How can you describe….that?

What will you say?  

That you were finishing my sentences after having met me only an hour before…

That your heart was pounding so loudly, I could feel it when my fingers softly touched your chest…

That when you touched me, my body actually tingled and you felt it in your fingertips… 

You called it. You said I was electric

Sensational.

How are you going to talk about loving me?

That I made you moan uncontrollably, even though I covered your mouth with mine..

That I had to hush baby to remind you to keep quiet because your sounds were so sexy…

That you couldn’t keep from staring into my eyes with every thrust, enjoying the look of pleasure, knowing you were giving me that pleasure…

That your body froze once you spilled into me and you called my name. My name

That you wanted to swallow me whole with every kiss…your tongue exploring and never tiring and wanting more and wishing time would stand still…

You said I was amazing. You called me a queen.

What about the second time?  How you spent your birthday in my bed? And how I was trying to wait until midnight to kiss you but I couldn’t wait any longer and your eyes softened like you were in love when I reached over and put my lips on yours? How we were trying so patiently to prolong our love time together so we talked, we talked about why you thought it made sense that I like giraffes? And how we laughed out loud at your choice of animal and we were giddy and youthful and fun? And how, when you undressed, it was an urgency to have your naked body on my bare skin?

How am I going to forget you? How?

Forget the temperature of your skin.

Forget the warmth of your hugs.

Forget the shape of your lips.

Forget the long stroke of your slender fingers.

Forget that scar above your eyebrow, the one I always ask about.

Forget the feel of your back on my fingertips.

Forget the strength of those legs that keep me pinned to this bed.

Forget the length of you that fills me completely.

How?

And the last time….

If I knew that would be our last time, you’d still be here. 

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Till You’re Ready

You’re still here.  Not as much as before, but you’re here.

You pop in suddenly, like you want to remind me. 

But I don’t need reminders.  I remember you all on my own.

I remember the shape of your eyes, the hue of brown they were, how they shone when you looked at me.

Yes, your eyes shine. 

I remember the smile you didn’t really like, but I loved.  Love.  Still.

And your voice.  I remember it.  And your laugh.  To a tee, I remember.

And your feel.  I remember how you feel when I lay my head on your chest and your heart thumping in excitement or nervousness or whatever it is, but I feel it beating against me and I remember your back muscles and your arms, dear God, why do I remember it just like yesterday?

And then, I wonder if you’re loving, if you’re letting someone love you.  I wonder if you’re touching or who’s touching you.  I wonder who your heart beats for, who’s making your heart beat, who’s got you.

Sometimes, most times, when he’s deep in my walls and I’m closing my eyes and reaching, it’s you above me, you’re helping me reach, you’re helping me get it and get it and get it again.  And it’s your name in my head, your name I see in the darkness of my eyelids, your eyes in my memory, your mouth sucking all the life out of my soul, your teeth biting my lip, your tongue soothing that bite as you moan my name, over and over and over in pleasure.

And when he spills and I adjust my body to accept him, it’s you I’m accepting, you who’s spilling.  And I want to yell out, I want to make you hear me, make you feel me, make you more than just a damn memory.  I want you to feel it, I want you to hear it, I want you to remember.

These damn memories.

They’re here.  They’re not going away.

And I’ll wait.

Until you’re ready.  

For the next time you contact me.  

Lazy Love

Oh, you got that, I don’t wanna,

That I don’t wanna go nowhere, lazy love,

You got that, I don’t wanna,

That I don’t wanna do nothing, that lazy love. ~ NeYo, “Lazy Love.”

He greets me at the door wearing sweat pants and a wife beater.  He has no idea what one of those items does for my thirst, imagine the deadly combo…

He’s barefoot and comfortable and immediately this makes me smile.  He lets me in and half hugs me but I fold into him and he hugs me again, fully, hands tightly around my back like this happens every day…

I can’t stop looking at his arms.  He has no idea how many times his arms have been in my thoughts, how many times those arms kept my legs up in the air, how many times those arms were above my head, how many times I bit into his flesh…

His pants are too big and they slide ever so discreetly over the vee of his torso and goddamn, I think, why doesn’t he tighten that string that’s made specifically for that reason and then I think, maybe he did that on purpose because he wants to tease me and get me on my knees…

His back is strong and sculpted and again, he has no idea about how I feel about strong backs or else he wouldn’t make me follow him but I follow him into the kitchen and watch as he struggles to open up a bottle of wine and it’s clear he doesn’t have to do that often and again, I smile, because he’s doing this solely for me and I think too much and I like to make up stories in my mind and this particular story in my mind in his kitchen is endearing…

It’s not small talk.  It’s like he knows I hate small talk because our conversation flows and our words mingle and already he’s finishing my sentences and I just want to kiss him as I watch his mouth move and his lips, Jesus, his lips…

And I say something that makes him smile and his eyes crinkle in the corner and motherfuck, why do I want to lick his crinkle, why are his eyes so sexy…

He leads me upstairs and I could tell he cleaned up for me, a girl knows when a man gets ready for her and he did, he got ready for me and again, another thought pops into my head and I’m saying this is all too good to be true…

I want nothing more than to lay him down on his neatly made bed, nothing more than to pull those sweat pants down over that vee and have that back under my fingertips and have those arms in between my teeth.  But I don’t.

I sit on the chair in the corner…

Acquainted

Baby you’re no good, think I fell for you, fell for you, I fell for you.


“Come with me,” he said as he took my hand.

He wanted my red lips on him.  He wanted to fill me up with him; everywhere.  I laid across the bed and stretched out over the edge.  Immediately he filled my mouth.

I opened wide and let him.

You got me putting time in, time in, nobody got me feeling this way.  You probably think I’m lying, lying, I’m used to bitches coming right away.

I looked up at him and watched his face.  I watched him as I pleased him slowly, rolling my tongue up and around and over and enjoying every satisfying sound from his throat.

You got me touching on your body.

He climbed over me and rested his body in between my legs.  One light stroke against me and he was inside, making me pull him in deeper.  I wrapped my legs around him and let him take me; short strokes, long strokes, deep strokes, light strokes.

I got you touching on your body.

“Keep that tongue inside your mouth,” he said.  “Don’t let me see it or else I’ll come.”

I bit my lip, bracing myself.  Waves and waves, rolling tides, the ultimate rush crashing over me, in between my legs, over my skin, making my eyes roll behind my head.

“Will you do this forever?  Will you fuck me till I die?  I want this forever.  Can we have this forever?”  I begged.

“Yes,” he replied. “You’ll get this forever.  As long as I’m alive, you’ll get this.”

And he spilled inside me, tongue and mouth and hands everywhere, moans of passion and hunger escaping our lips.

To say that we’re in love is dangerous, but girl, I’m so glad we’re acquainted.

The Weeknd – Acquainted

Grayson – Part 1

It’s a good day today. Esperanza let my hair hang loose. And I’m wearing a dress. We’re meeting Master Damian outside in the terrace for brunch today. I have to address him as Master Damian. Esperanza warned me. He can be mean if I don’t. And I know what happens when he’s mean.

Esperanza makes me feel better. Especially when she bathes me. She spoils me here. I enjoy the way she kisses me when I’m crying and she’s trying to soothe me. I especially enjoy it when she kisses me and Master Damian watches. I know he feels bad most times.

Someone is coming to meet me today. Usually it’s just the three of us but Master said this person is very influential and I should be extra sweet and submissive. So I took some extra medication. Esperanza let me lick it off her stomach. She’s so sexy.

I’m not wearing any panties under this dress. Imagine Master’s surprise when he reaches in between my legs. Esperanza applied special cream too. She said I need to be delicious. I’m so excited.

I got a glimpse of myself in the mirror today. The bruise above my eye is healing nicely. And the marks have almost disappeared from my breasts. My lips are chapped but that’s only because Damian likes to rough me up. Esperanza put some lipgloss on me.

I have to sit still at the table. Esperanza keeps scolding me. She makes me feel like a little girl. But how can I behave when I know we’re expecting a guest? I haven’t talked to anyone besides Esperanza in….weeks, I think. Master doesn’t really talk to me. He just gives me orders.

He just walked in. He’s wearing casual pants and a white tshirt. He’s so sexy. I can’t wait to have him in my mouth.

“Come here,” he directs this statement at me. I stand up and he twirls me around and plants a big, wet kiss on my lips. I try to inch my tongue into his mouth but he pushes me away and tells me to behave. He didn’t feel under my dress and I’m disappointed.

Esperanza gets up and he kisses her lovingly. I think they’re in love. But sometimes he loves me too.

He pushes Esperanza against the table and rips her blouse open to expose her bare breasts. He likes when we’re naked and ready for him. We rarely wear underclothes. Esperanza wraps her legs around his waist as he removes his belt. He always makes me watch, even when I try looking away.

There was one time Damian had his bodyguard hold my head down so he could shove his dick in my mouth after he fucked her. I told him I didn’t want to and I cried and struggled but eventually the drugs they gave me made me feel better; like how I’m feeling now. The drugs make me nice and I forget why I’m angry or sad.

He’s fucking her. She’s watching me. I know she wants to kiss me but I can’t do anything until Master says so. I feel the wetness and I wish I was her. I’ll get my chance soon enough. I just have to wait patiently and stop squirming or else things will go bad…

“Savannah,” he calls and motions for me. Esperanza sits up on the table and grabs my face and kisses me, passionately and deeply. I hear Master Damian’s moans and I know what’s coming up.

“Bend over,” he instructs me, just as I cock my ass up to him. Esperanza is standing beside me, her fingers gently playing with my hair. I know she’s close by just in case things get ugly. We both know how Damian loses control. I feel Damian in between my legs and I ready myself for the mixed pain and pleasure. Esperanza moans. I like when she moans. And I especially like it when Damian moans. Sometimes I wish it were just me and him, especially when he fucks her and makes me watch. But today I get to join in the fun and hopefully he’ll let me come.

He fills my pussy up suddenly without any notice or warning. I love how deep he gets and how filled with his cock my pussy gets. He makes me feel filthy. Today I like it. Most times I remember Michael and get sad.

He pushes into me again, taking me back to the present. Damian reaches around me and places one hand around my neck and fondles my breast with his other hand. I hear Esperanza moan and I can’t help but moan with her. Damian is nearing his satisfaction so he pounds into me deeper, faster. I arch my back to take him fully and prepare for the waves of bliss my body craves.

I feel my insides tighten and clench and I make sure to squeeze my muscles around his dick. I want him to want me the way he wants Esperanza…

Damian is fucking me fully now. He’s in full control and I feel my orgasm building. I want this release desperately. I want to come all over him – if only he’d let me…

Damian stills for a second, spilling into me. I try to move against him, furthering my pleasure but he smacks my behind. Hard. I look back over my shoulder and watch him, his eyes flickering in the sunlight. I hold his gaze and smile, noticing a hint of softness in his eyes; perhaps my thoughts are cloudy because of the drugs. I haven’t known Damian’s gentleness in a very long time.  I don’t know how long.  I’ve lost count of the days.  Or maybe it’s been weeks.  I don’t know.

Damian straightens himself up and Esperanza is at his side immediately. She holds my hand and helps me up and fluffs my hair. She kisses my mouth softly and says in her quiet and slightly accented voice, “I will take care of you later.”

“No need mi corazon,” Damian announces. “I have plans for Savannah later.”

Looks are exchanged between the two and I can’t help the pang of jealousy I feel. I miss what’s mine.

“Sit,” Damian instructs. “Eat.”

I sit at my designated seat in between Damian and Esperanza and reach for my orange juice. The maid comes around with some fresh fruit and croissants.

I sip my juice slowly, not really having much of an appetite lately. My thoughts wander to the first night I met Damian. I don’t regret what we did but….

I have so many questions. And whenever I’ve tried to ask them, things always get ugly.

I dismiss my thoughts so no one notices my change in mood. There’s a shadow by the entrance and I look up to lock eyes with the most amazing green eyes I’ve ever seen. I can’t help but stare.

Damian stands to greet him and the man doesn’t take his eyes away from mine. Damian looks over at me and frowns. I lower my gaze and glance at Esperanza who smiles a knowing smile.

“He’s yours, mamasita. You will enjoy today,” she whispers. I don’t know what she means but I smile at her.

Damian and the new man exchange some words and they both walk over to the table. Damian introduces him to me as Grayson.

Grayson is taller than Damian and his skin is creamy and sun-kissed. His white polo is snug around his arms and chest and he is absolutely breath-taking at this precise moment. His hair is light brown and falls slightly over his forehead. He’s older. I can tell by the way his eyes crinkle when he smiles at me.

I am immediately smitten.

And something tells me Master will be upset…

(This is where it all began.)

Desire

Written by Rorey and edited by Shay and yours truly.
 
Desire
 
I can see it in your eyes,
You want this as much as I do.

My desire,
Is to take us higher, two bodies in carnal lust,
Friction eliminated, love emancipated,
Two souls moving as one.

This is love, beneath the stars, just you and I,
Devouring and lusting in each others arms,
As we explore each other’s body and neglect our minds.

Time is of the essence,
Lest we get caught….up in time.

Our union defies the law of what’s legal,
So let’s make it official,
Pretend, if only for a moment,
That we stood before a priest,
That we have your father’s blessing,
That you wore a white dress,
With black lacy underwear,
For my eyes only,
That your hand and heart is mine.

Let’s consummate this union behind closed doors,
Where no one but God can judge.
I pray, that He forgives us….
Forgives me…despite the fact that I’m going to make you scream my name.
I pray He forgives me, forgives us for giving into this sin,
As you grip my inches of pleasure as we engage….

Deeper,
Deeper we move in passion,
Falling prey,
To forbidden lust.

Let’s meet at six past nine,
Ignore the missionary as we take love from behind,
Succumbing to each other, gripping, riding, sucking,
Our bodies entwined in lust.

Tonight I want you more than ever,
And by the end of it all, amorous sounds of pleasure will be echoing these walls,
As we climax,
Scream,
Love…

I can taste you on my lips now,
I want you now,
I want this now….

Come.  Meet me…..

Say Yes

“Open your heart and let me pour my loving inside of you. You make me feel like living and breathing again, I wanna touch you. Don’t say no. Just say yes.” – Avant’s ‘Don’t Say No, Just Say Yes’.

Baby boy….you awake? Wake up for me please. Good morning lover.

I need you, hard as fuck, here in this bed, in between these sheets. I want that morning love baby. But promise me we’ll do it slow? I want to ride it slow. I want to feel every inch of it inside me. Ripping through. Slowly.

You’re going to let me climb on top of you, right? While I’m at it, can you put your hands on my ass? Guide me deeper. And deeper still. Yes. Like that.

My breasts are in your face, your mouth. They’re enough to fill your mouth wholly. Suck on this flesh baby. Yes, bite it. Just. Like. That.

My hands are on your chest, I need your support, I need to hold myself up, keep me from grinding all that I’ve got on this dick that feels like….it feels like…

…I can’t think…

I want it bad. I want this dick bad and you know this too don’t you? I want it slow but it’s going to end up fast and hard and then faster and harder…

…and you’re only going to want me from behind, ass up, making me moan in pain and oh, so much pleasure.

Baby, say you want to fuck me. Say you want this pussy. C’mon, let me hear you say it. Say yes…

…yes. Feel that? Feel how good this is…

Oh no no no no no, please don’t pull my hair, please please please please don’t. Don’t. Do. That. It’s just going to excite me…more…

You’re so sweet. This sweetness inside has me wet, you feel it don’t you? Baby, control me…try to control this…

I lied. I want you fast now. It’s not you, it’s me. I want you harder. All of you. You’re laughing at me…..you want to know what’s all of you? I want to inhale you into every pore of my body. I want you in my hands, my hair, my mouth, my body and especially…

…yes, especially here. That’s all of you.

Baby…

…I’m loving the way you never tell me to shut up…..the way you pull down on my hips and…

…I can’t even speak anymore. I can’t. I know you like to hear me, I know you love these moans of mine and…..ohhhhh this dick has me moaning baby.

I need to grind this now baby, you know I need to, oh God, it’s now, I can’t, listen to me, baby, I’m going to scream out, baby, I, oh man, oh fuck, please, now, push up, just like that, baby, I…ohhhhhhhhhhh yessssssss.

I love when you say yes.