You Don’t Know…

No slow motion.

It’s that revenge shit, where he tested this flexibility and made my walls remember him, because you didn’t.

It’s that hate passion, that raw fucking, where he didn’t even put his lips to mine but instead sucked on my neck to leave a reminder, to make you remember these lips are yours.

But you don’t know.  You don’t know.

It’s that mad fucking, that make-time-for-me-motherfucker fucking, that you’re-gonna-miss-your-boo-when-I-make-her-mine sex, the one you’ll wish you could get back fucking.

It’s that sad sex, the one that made me close my eyes tight and imagine you instead of him, the tears threatening a pool in my ears because you weren’t there, you weren’t here, you weren’t.

And my body knew it wasn’t you, even with my eyes forced shut, it wasn’t you because you didn’t feel right, it wasn’t your skin, your breath, your touch, your moans, your voice, it wasn’t your size inside, it wasn’t your love inside. 

But you don’t know.  You don’t know.

And I lay here spent, aching from his fucking, aching from his workout on me, hurting from this pain in my heart that’s torn.

All because you don’t know.

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Dear Michael

I don’t know what to think anymore.  I’m not sure if you left me for him or if you don’t even know I’m here.  I’m praying it’s the latter.

He pinned me down.  I had no control.  He had my arms pinned behind my back as he pounded away.  And I think I liked it.  I think I did.  But the tears were streaming down my face.

She just watched.  I don’t remember if the look on her face was enjoyment…..or if there was possibly a hint of pity?  Perhaps sadness?

He made me come Michael.  He made me scream his name.  And I did.  I had no control.  His dick is huge and its thick and the way he moved inside me….I raised my hips up against him further, unwillingly but wantonly.  I wanted him deeper.

And he pushed deeper.  My breathing got heavier.  Eventually I started to scream.  And I had no control.

He made me scream his name.  Did I tell you that already?  I was crying and screaming his name.  And I wish I had the words to explain the look on his face.  He scares me Michael.  And I have no control.

He turned me over and pressed my head down into the mattress until I couldn’t breathe.  I was starting to panic but she spoke from where she was seated.  She said something in Spanish, something I didn’t understand.  He let go of my head then and I came up for air.  He listens to her.  I know he listens even though he makes the rules.

He came inside me Michael.  He made no noise but I knew from his movements and from his breathing that he came.  And I felt it run out of me.  I felt him come out of me.  And it ran out of my pussy and down my legs.

He watched it.  He watched my face.  He took his fingers and rammed them into me.  He brought his fingers to my mouth and traced my lips.  I didn’t want to taste it.  It wasn’t yours.

Where are you?  Why’d you leave me here?  Why haven’t you been back?  How long has it been?  Do you not care?  Don’t you want me anymore?  I wouldn’t blame you.  I wouldn’t want to be with me after him either.

Within minutes, he was hard again.  He had me on my knees facing him.  I didn’t want to do it Michael.  I didn’t want to.  But I had no control.

I can’t tell you what happened.  It would be too much for you to bear.  It was too much for me.

She came over and took me to the bathroom and ran a bath for me.  She was so pleasant and gentle.  She wiped my face clean with a warm cloth, removing any trace of him from my skin.  Tears still fell and she wiped them too.  Then she kissed me, full on the mouth.  I closed my eyes and felt her tongue on my lips, inside my mouth, tracing my teeth with her tongue.  She sucked at my mouth, as if she wanted to suck his taste from me.  She enjoyed it too much.

I’m weak.  I’m confused.  I’m weary and dazed.  I wish I could recall my steps.  I wish I knew how I got here.

You need to help me.  How are you going to save me?  How do I get out?  The only sunlight I see is the morning rays that come through the window.  And I think of you.  I remember your smiling face and then I cry some more.  As soon as she comes in, she draws the curtains closed and your smile fades.  She tells me every morning that the Master likes it this way.

And I have no control Michael.

What’s Michael thinking?

Lovemaking

“Take me to bed with you”, you asked.  I obliged.  You wanted to “make love”.    I told you it wasn’t possible.  I said, “We’ll end up fucking.  It always ends in fucking baby”.  But you persisted, staring intently into my eyes.

Remember how you told me to take off my shirt?  You were so demanding, yet so sensual.  And I did, becoming submissive to you and to my usual controlling nature.  You tried.  You wanted terribly to “make love”, even as you entered me from behind, a very non-loving position, in my opinion…

You paused to lick my juices ever so slowly from my clit to my…oh fuck this lovemaking baby…I grasped the sheets on my mattress, moans of ecstasy  coming from my throat, your mouth making that love you’re claiming in between my legs, my body wanting nothing more than to be fucked…

You paused again, to kiss the small of  my back, running your tongue lightly up my spine, encouraging me to push back further onto your hardness, making you lose focus of your “love making”, your thrusting becoming quicker and deeper, just the way I like it, my moans turning into screams, bringing you back to your reality, your act of “making love”, ruining my desire to get fucked…

Remember telling me to turn on my back?  “I want to see your face in ecstasy, I want to watch you”, were your words…

I lifted my legs to accommodate your position, enabling entry of your full length…”Oh yes, fuck me”, escaped my lips as my eyes rolled back, my hands reached out to your ass, pressing you deeper into me, enjoying the fullness of you inside my walls…

Your mouth hungrily kissed mine, your lips sucking at my lips, my chin, my face.  Oh. My. Dear. Sweet. “Your pussy is going to make me come”, you said, slowing down your thrusting, allowing me time to move against your hips, the rush of MY pleasure now seconds away.  I looked up at you, watching you watch me.  “You’re smiling at me”, I whispered breathlessly. “Why are you smiling?”

“I like the way you look when you come.  I see all your sexiness” and you kissed me, anticipating the throbbing that was just about to…

…my fists clenching in the sheets, head thrashing on the pillow, your hardness up inside me, grinding, my legs reached up and wrapped around your hips.  It’s now and it’s uncontrollable and you moved so swiftly with me, your mouth waiting for my screams so you could swallow them…hindering my cries…

And you’re fucking me, trying hard to slow your movements on me, my body writhing against you…and now…

Oh. Yes. Baby. Fuck. Oh. Yes. Harder. Yes. Baby. Dear. God. Oh. Yes.

“Come again”, you said.  And you’re not stopping.  You’re not stopping, you’re beating it faster, as deep as it can get because…I know why….now it’s my turn to smile.  I know it’s your time.  “Come again”, you repeat.  “Why baby?  Why do you want me to come again?”  I moaned in pleasure, loving your insistence on pleasing me again and again.  I moved my hips to meet your thrusts, enjoying every sensation of pleasure running through my body, so ready and able to come again…

…and I came.  Again.  And then one more time.  And you continued, fucking me the way I loved, doing my pussy, oh so right until…

….it was your turn.  Your mouth came down on mine, sucking and kissing and leaving me breathless from your kisses. 

Oh. Yes. Baby. Your. Pussy. Is. So. Sweet. Oh. Fuck. Oh. Fuck.

Quiet peacefulness, aside from our hearts beating in our throats.  Minutes passed.  You pulled away, sadness now overwhelming me from the absence of your body from mine. 

And then, as you moved away, you kissed the back of my knee. 

That, right there?  That was “lovemaking” baby….