For Now

I have no right.  I mean, she’s to you what he’s to me right?

But, couldn’t you be honest? When you were pounding into me and loving me those nights, was she there?  Was she in your thoughts?  Did you imagine her?

I doubt it.  Not the way you held my head the way you did.  Not the way your fingers dug deep in my skin the way they did.  And absolutely not the way you fit inside me like the missing piece of that frustrating puzzle, the way you did.

Does she do you like me?  Does she make you squirm and throw your head back in ecstasy like me?  Does she make you tense up as you spill your seed inside like me?

Nah.  You’re not in the right place, your mind ain’t right.  You don’t want this.  You said so yourself.  Unless that was a lie too.  Was that a lie?  Will I ever know the truth?  Will I ever be your truth?

Photograph me.  Pull me up behind you like you did that night and photograph my mouth on you doing what you like that I do to you.  Throw me on the bed and turn me over and snap away as you push inside and pull me up and push inside and pull me up.  Again.  And again.  And again.  Snap away.  Go ahead daddy.  Snap away.

Take that money shot and post that shit on your Instagram and tell all your friends about how good you did me, how crazy I fucked you, how maddening you made me, how urgently you insisted and how quickly I made you…

Come.

Come clean.  Leave her behind.  Let her be.  And when you call me again, when you want me again, when you want that real dirty, I’ll make sure you forget her, Mr. Crushboy.

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Lazy Love

Oh, you got that, I don’t wanna,

That I don’t wanna go nowhere, lazy love,

You got that, I don’t wanna,

That I don’t wanna do nothing, that lazy love. ~ NeYo, “Lazy Love.”

He greets me at the door wearing sweat pants and a wife beater.  He has no idea what one of those items does for my thirst, imagine the deadly combo…

He’s barefoot and comfortable and immediately this makes me smile.  He lets me in and half hugs me but I fold into him and he hugs me again, fully, hands tightly around my back like this happens every day…

I can’t stop looking at his arms.  He has no idea how many times his arms have been in my thoughts, how many times those arms kept my legs up in the air, how many times those arms were above my head, how many times I bit into his flesh…

His pants are too big and they slide ever so discreetly over the vee of his torso and goddamn, I think, why doesn’t he tighten that string that’s made specifically for that reason and then I think, maybe he did that on purpose because he wants to tease me and get me on my knees…

His back is strong and sculpted and again, he has no idea about how I feel about strong backs or else he wouldn’t make me follow him but I follow him into the kitchen and watch as he struggles to open up a bottle of wine and it’s clear he doesn’t have to do that often and again, I smile, because he’s doing this solely for me and I think too much and I like to make up stories in my mind and this particular story in my mind in his kitchen is endearing…

It’s not small talk.  It’s like he knows I hate small talk because our conversation flows and our words mingle and already he’s finishing my sentences and I just want to kiss him as I watch his mouth move and his lips, Jesus, his lips…

And I say something that makes him smile and his eyes crinkle in the corner and motherfuck, why do I want to lick his crinkle, why are his eyes so sexy…

He leads me upstairs and I could tell he cleaned up for me, a girl knows when a man gets ready for her and he did, he got ready for me and again, another thought pops into my head and I’m saying this is all too good to be true…

I want nothing more than to lay him down on his neatly made bed, nothing more than to pull those sweat pants down over that vee and have that back under my fingertips and have those arms in between my teeth.  But I don’t.

I sit on the chair in the corner…