Weak

I’m not weak.  This isn’t me.

I don’t receive a mere call from someone and have my heart stop.

I especially didn’t block you from my memory with every ounce of my being just to have you pop back up like that.

I don’t cancel my feelings just to have every single one of those feelings forced back into my soul just like that.

I’m not that girl that’ll run back to you and let you sweet talk that talk to me.

I’m not weak.

But…

You make me weak.  I see your eyes; your smile.  

And…

Contradictions, lies, self-respect and all my dignity dismantled because of you.

A few words from you and in my mind our tongues are intertwined again and the smell of your skin is real, this imagination is real and I want, I just want….

…your body in between my legs, my head thrown back, your fingertips on my skin, my eyes, my mouth…

…a playback, rewind, a throwback to how I threw it back and you took it and claimed it and made it yours…

…you made me yours and I just want that, I’m not weak but I want that, this isn’t me but I want that…

But goddammit, you make me weak.

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